Things I love today..

I love this necklace by Fuss Jewelry. Too bad it costs $722

These earrings and necklace are beautiful!!! I am gonna buy them from White Owl via Etsy.

My New Motto

I will be purchasing this nifty print from Pressureless as soon as possible... I just need to decide which color I want.

Sucker for Ruffles..

I simply love these pillows from Hettle.

Feelling Better...

A week has passed since my last entry... I have heard from so many friends and family who read my thoughts and have been so sweet and supportive... I want to thank each of you for your love and support.

I am feeling better... still looking for a job, still feel sadness, still feel lost at times, but am truly taking each day by day as it comes. (and when I laugh it is real)

My highway..

I have been writing in a journal, but decided to write here instead.. at least for today. I feel so unlike myself that it hurts. I feel like I need to be stretched out.. I feel like my body and soul are in kinks.

I can't believe that I am where I am in my life.. not as I expected.. not as I hoped. There is a song by Jason Aldean called, "On My Highway" and I can certainly relate to it:
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On my highway the yellow lines, Have disappeared from time to time, And I've wound up on the wrong side of the road, On my highway I've gone to fast, Afraid that I might finish last, I hooked a curve too hard and lost control, Oh I never know which way it's gonna go, (Chorus) But what a feeling chasing the sun, Living my life like it's shot from a gun, Laughing a little bit more with every mile, Oh what a freedom racing the wind, Dieing to know whats around the next bend, And smiling as I watch the years roll by, I'm learning how to take it day by day on my highway, On my highway I missed some signs, And left a damn good love behind, I see her in my rear view like a ghost, On my highway I've broken down, And cried when no one else was around, And prayed that God would save my soul, Ya I've paid a lot of heavy tolls, (Chorus) Yeah Yeah, What a feeling out on the run, Drinking up the rain soaking up the sun, Laughing a little bit more with ever mile, Oh what a freedom like a sail in the wind, Not looking back not forgetting where I've been, Smiling as I watch the years roll by, I'm moving on from my mistakes, And I'm learning how to take it day by day, On my highway, Oh oh yeah.
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I can say that I went too fast as far as trying to be "grown up" when Kenny and me decided to buy a house and try to have a child.. I was the pusher for both of those and I should have just sat back and relaxed more. I know this is what really changed things for me and Kenny and I know it has alot to do why we are not together today. I don't know why I worry so much.. I don't know why I clench my teeth together and it hurts my jaw so bad, I don't know why I just want to sleep at times and hope that I will wake up and everything will be o.k.

I gave my heart and soul to Kenny and I loved him so very much. I was extremely attentive and tried to be a great wife.. I don't know where I went wrong or where he went wrong as it takes both people in a relationship to make it work but we are no longer together and now I don't know what to do with myself.. I feel stuck..

Me = soon to be divorced, what?? I never wanted that.. I married Kenny and I wanted to be with him... why did he have to frustrate me and why did we have to lose our spark, our connection? Is this my path, will I meet someone one day that I was "really" suppose to be with? Was Kenny and I just suppose to meet and love each other to in turn love someone else? So odd to me...

I have lost my sparkle and shine.. I drink too much.. and I am unmotivated at times.. (but I can obviously rhyme)

I sound like someone that no one wants to be around... but only because I am going off right now.. I hold back when around friends and family. I have learned while being in TX that my family- Mom, Dad, Sister are my true friends and they love me.. honestly love me with good and bad.. I have learned that I can trust them with anything and they really do have my best interests in heart when giving advice.. even when I don't want to hear it.. I find later that they are right or that it was good advice. I am also learning who my true friends are and which friends stand the test of time.. in particular it is amazing to have a friend who has stood by me since middle school. I have let her down so many times and she still loves me... I will try so hard not to ever let her down again.

I know I will be o.k.. and I just need more time to digest this.. understand it.. and live it.. live through it. I need to get to know myself again and not be worried about what others think.. I need to be good to myself and good to others.. and I need to be faithful...

Pretty Pretty For The Hair...

Bando

Some of me...

TV recorded on my Tivo:

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. 90210 (2009)
3. Always Sunny in Philadelphia
4. America's Next Top Model
5. Project Runway

Drinks of choice:

1. Wine (Sauvignon Blanc, Malbec, Cabernet)
2. Champagne
3. Sake (Hot)
4. Beer (love pumpkin ale in fall, dos equis, miller lite)

Things I want to do:

1. Lose Weight
2. Learn to play guitar
3. Organize my music
4. Watch more movies
5. Expand on creativity
6. Expand my photography skills